All's Fair in Hook-ups and War
by anacsadder
Summary: One had an eye on something new. Something exciting. Something scandalous. The other was just tired of sharing a bathroom.


Waluigi wanted to find whoever designed the bathrooms for this place and kick him in the shins. They were two small buildings set off to one side of the lodging area, but each was designed for only one person to use them at a time. Maybe it worked well enough for the women. There were five of them. Waluigi had to share the bathroom with thirteen other racers and Lakitu.

"Quit being such a sour puss," Peach had told him when he'd grumbled about it during the tour of the 'resort.' "It's only for three days. You'll live."

Ha! She'd be singing a different tune if she ever had to share a bathroom with Wario. It was bad enough sharing one of the single-room cabins with the fat ass. It would be easy to demonstrate, though. He could wait until just after Wario left the bathroom and then lock the stupid pink princess in behind him. It would be a fantastic prank, and enlisting Wario's cooperation would be easy. The man already thought the entire situation was hilarious.

Grinning deviously to himself as he imagined Peach's angry and horrified screams, Waluigi pushed on the door to the men's bathroom. When the wall of stench hit him, he died for a split second. He was sure of it. He wrapped an elbow around the lower half of his face and squinted at a note taped to the opposite wall.

_I don't know who hit me, but fuck you and the blue shell you rode in on. –Wario_

Waluigi closed the door and leaned against the wall next to it. "For fucksake, when was the last time I even found a blue shell?" He muttered. As he debated between being a civilian casualty of Wario's revenge and forgoing the whole idea of a shower in favor of peeing in the bushes and going to bed, he heard someone come out of the women's bathroom next door.

Toadette slung her damp towel over her shoulder and started toward the cabins. She suddenly whipped around and caught the gaze of the lanky man brooding on the porch of the men's bathhouse. "Oh. You scared me. That was some race today, huh?"

Waluigi crossed his arms, but didn't answer. He glanced from her, to the bonfire on the beach several yards away, and then back again. "Are you alone?" He asked.

Her forced smile faded. "What?"

"Everyone else is at the bonfire, right?"

"I guess so. Either that or in bed."

He grinned, teeth flashing in the light of the tiki torches. "Good to know." He took a few steps toward the small, pink toadstool. Her eyes widened, she mumbled some sort of excuse, and hurried off in the direction of the lodgings. Waluigi watched long enough to ensure she wouldn't see him, and then he slipped into the women's bathroom.

The reek of floral potpourri was only slightly less nauseating than Wario's handiwork. No wonder Peach was so upbeat about the whole thing, though. They'd even replaced the bench below the towel hooks with a goddamned couch. He noted that three of the towel hooks had zippered bags hanging from them. Even though he knew he had to hurry, he stopped to rifle through the white one. It contained the usual girly, beauty accoutrements, along with a pair of star-shaped earrings. The new girl. "Someone wants a little hazing, I think," he chuckled to himself. He decided to see what would happen if he mixed some of Peach's Nair lotion into the new girl's shampoo and conditioner. Satisfied with this bit of experimental mischief, he returned to the task at hand.

When he finished, he kicked the flusher with his heel and turned to wash his hands. The sounds of running water masked the sound of the door slipping open.

"What. The hell. Are you doing?"

The lock. Dammit. Waluigi didn't startle easily but eyes snapped up to assess the person behind him in the mirror. Daisy stood with her hands on her hips and a frown on her face. He decided not to answer, wiping his wet hands on the legs of his navy blue overalls.

"You didn't screw with my stuff, did you?" She maintained her position between him and the door.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't." He put a hand on her shoulder to shove her aside, but she grabbed his wrist. At first he was too surprised to react. People barely touched him of their own volition. They certainly didn't _grab_ him.

"Have you ever met a rule you didn't want to break?" Her turquoise eyes burned into his gray ones, but there was an edge of a smirk on her lips. "Or maybe you're just a pervert. I always kinda thought you might be."

Waluigi gritted his teeth. "Like you're so perfect? Barging in without knocking." He twisted his wrist out of her grip.

This time, all pretense of indignation melted from Daisy's expression and she laughed. "I was hoping I could embarrass you, but I'm not surprised you're this shameless either."

"How did you know it was me?"

"Toadette mentioned that you were lurking around here." She crossed her arms and planted herself against the door, bringing one knee up to brace her foot on the surface behind her. Her orange shorts contrasted sharply with her sun-bronzed legs. Though she didn't seem angry anymore, she still eyed him with the same intensity.

"Did she say I did something to her? Because I didn't. I was just asking if-"

"You were alone over here? So you could sneak into the women's bathroom?" Daisy grinned.

With a frustrated growl, he made a second attempt to get past her. Before he could lay a hand on her she shoved him hard in the chest. His high center of gravity already meant he wasn't the most balanced individual in the kingdom. Combined with the element of surprise, he stumbled, caught his knees on the arm of the sofa, and pitched back onto the cushions. There was a jolt and pain shot up his arms as Daisy pounced on top of him, pinning his hands with her knees. "You- you _pushed_ me." He knew Daisy was the feistier of the princesses, but he was having trouble processing this turn of events.

"How else was I going to get you on your back?" She murmured, leaning in close.

His eyebrows shot up and his jaw dropped. Then he chuckled. "I'm flattered, really, but I don't do _princesses_ and the_ last_ thing I want is _Luigi's_ sloppy seconds. So I'm going to give you three-"

"Does it look like I give a fuck what you want?" The princess groped his chest and sides. "Huh. You know, you're so skinny I half expected to feel your ribs or something." She reached for the buttons on his overalls.

Under normal circumstances, that language in her mouth would have surprised him. At this point nothing she did would surprise him. Waluigi arched his shoulder blades off the couch in an attempt to yank his arms free. She scowled at him and dug her knees in harder. He bucked his hips in an attempt to toss her off, but her thighs possessed strength comparable to the bite pressure of a piranha plant. She wouldn't be thrown so easily. "I'll hit you," he threatened. "I'm not above punching a princess."

Daisy giggled. "I know. You play nasty. I like nasty. It's dangerous and forbidden." She fumbled his straps free and plunged her hand down the front of his overalls. He sucked air through his teeth as her fingers found their goal and her grinned widened. "Ooh, not bad. Not bad at all."

"D-Daisy…" He protested, squirming again. The movement against her hand pulled a second gasp from his throat.

"Yes?" She batted her eyelids innocently as her grip tightened a fraction.

His hips jerked. "I'll- I'll tell Luigi."

"He wouldn't believe you," Daisy said. "It is kinda cute seeing you try to hide behind him, though. Any more excuses, you sneaky little bastard?"

Waluigi stared at her. Words failed him at this point. He'd been sure the Luigi card would work.

"Good." She tugged his overalls down around his hips and shoved his shirt up under his armpits. Her short nails scraped up and around his sides, following the slightest of indentations between his ribs. "You're so… Slender." She tilted her head, still exploring his chest and stomach. "It's, like, mesmerizing."

He huffed and let his head flop to one side. Yes, yes, he was freakishly tall and freakishly skinny. Did people really have to gawk so much?

"The way you move." She pinned his wrists with her hands and her tongue traced a warm line of saliva from his belly button to his sternum. He tried to flinch away, but there wasn't anywhere for him to go. "You have no idea how long I've wondered what you look like. What you feel like."

With her position shifted, he twisted suddenly to the side and managed to free a hand. However, he also upset both of their balance and sent himself tumbling to the floor with her on his back. Daisy twisted the arm she still controlled up between his shoulder blades. Her other hand ground the side of his face into the bathroom floor.

"You're not the only one who can play rough, you know." Her tone remained sweet and cheerful.

"Are you nuts? Even if you win now, I'll do something horrible to you later. No one beats Waluigi and gets away with it."

She laughed. "Are you kidding? I've seen plenty of people beat you and get away with it."

"Fuck you," he growled.

Daisy giggled. "Anyway, I figured you wouldn't roll over and take it. I was kind of hoping you wouldn't."

She tossed his hat aside and yanked the neck of his shirt off behind his head, leaving his arms in his sleeves. He couldn't really tell what she did next, but it ended with his arms firmly tangled in the purple fabric behind his back. The chill of the tiles bit into to his chest and stomach. His cheeks, however, flashed hot as he realized she was yanking his overalls lower still. Waluigi attempted to kick her off, but she pinned his knees between her freakishly strong thighs. "Get _off_, Daisy." Panic crept into his voice when he felt her hands hook in the waistband of his underwear. No one ever saw his much of him. He didn't want anyone to see this much of him.

"Hm. I think I'd rather hear you call me… 'Your Majesty.'"

Now she'd managed to tie his knees together with his own overall straps. Considering she seemed to be in to this sort of thing, he wasn't surprised she was good with knots. "This isn't funny!"

"It is a little." She forced a hand underneath his hips and grabbed him again. "I didn't even know you _could_ blush.

"Wah… Daisy…" He groaned. His stomach felt tight. Most of it was nerves and frustration, but as her hand continued the firm, persistent caresses he thought he felt something else as well. He tried to struggle upright, but she forced his forehead onto the floor.

"I told you to call me 'Your Majesty.'"

"I'm _not_ gonna… Call you… Your m-AH-jesty…" He twitched hard once and bit his tongue.

"No? 'Cause if you ask nice, I'll let you go."

Daisy was on her knees behind him, now, leaning over his back. His mouth opened, but sound refused to come out.

"Come on, say it. 'Please let me go, Your Majesty.' Say it if that's what you want."

He growled and squirmed, breathing harder. "F- Fuck you."

"Mmhm." She sounded insufferably pleased with herself as she flipped him over and climbed on top of him. That leer was positively sinister on such sweet, round face. "Guess that means it's Princess Daisy time."

She tore into him with all of the passion and fire she exhibited during sporting events, pinning him so hard he wouldn't be surprised if he had bruises on his shoulders in the morning. Apparently when she set her mind to something, she went all in. At one point, she bit his neck hard enough to tear a cry from his throat. Then responded by stuffing his hat into his mouth and ordering him to shut up. No woman had ever been so bold in her treatment of him. The whole experience was a strange combination of frightening and exhilarating.

An indeterminate amount of time later, hurricane Daisy lifted as suddenly as she had descended. Waluigi panted as he watched her slide her shorts up her legs and adjust her shirt. She didn't even glance at him as she turned to check her hair in the mirror. "You better be planning to untie me," he muttered.

Daisy smiled over her shoulder. "I dunno, I think I like you better this way."

He rolled onto his side and tried to arch far enough to reach the knots himself. For a while, he ignored the growing grin on Daisy's face, but his impatience won out. "Dammit, Daisy, come on!" He gave the floor a hard, awkward kick.

"Weren't you going to enact some kind of horrible revenge on me for this?" Daisy smirked. "Why should I free you?"

The crazy lady had a point. "Er… What if I promise to be good until we get off the island?"

Giggling, Daisy flipped him onto his stomach and knelt over him again. "I'd say," she whispered, so close that her breath ghosted across his pointy ear, "try not to be _too_ good, because I like you nasty." She smacked him on the butt—much to his indignation—untangled his arms from his shirt, and left him to sort out the rest of his clothing himself.

He dressed as quickly as he could and dashed out the door, but she was already jogging up the beach to meet Mario, Peach, and Luigi at the edge of the firelight. Sighing, Waluigi trudged slowly along in her wake. Sweat cooled on his forehead in the night breeze, but he'd forgotten about his desire shower a long time ago. Had a princess really just molested him in the bathroom? The whole thing seemed so surreal now. And there was her silhouette in the distance, hugging Luigi like nothing out of the ordinary had happened at all. It had never occurred to him that Daisy could be so… vicious and naughty.

Waluigi's personal philosophy on the subject of revenge was something that he called 'a head for an eye.' The more he thought about Daisy, however, the more convinced he became that what she really needed was a taste of her own medicine. There was the risk that her competitive nature and his stubborn ego would spark an escalating war of revenge and counter-revenge, each move nastier than the last. It was a risk he was willing to take. For now, he'd play her game, pretending nothing was different, but this was _far_ from over.

**A/N: I was inspired when I saw someone questioning whether Waluigi would actually wind up the 'top' in a relationship with Princess Daisy. It's one of those stories that could go on for a very long time, but the point of writing it was to experiment with a dynamic I don't use very often. In that respect, it's over. If I'm inspired again, I **_**might **_**write more, so I'm not putting the 'complete' tag on it, but it very likely is done.**


End file.
